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Flying dildos amsterdam

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Short babe fucked in fishnet nylon and high heels. And then they have parties. Your vibrator? Not so much.

If you're one of the , half a million! Ugh, not like that. Sure, uniforms are hot, and some of you may have those nonconsensual cavity-search fantasies rarin' to go, but save your fetishes for Pink Saturday and pack your sex toys with care.

Otherwise, be prepared to have your expensive toy collection ripped apart by security dogs and your favorite dick detonated by the feds.

Imagine arriving and having to explain, "Honey, they blew up the Ballsy Jeff Stryker inch. The TSA flight guidelines apply to the sexual traveler more than ever.

And it's not just the pocketbook pain of losing high-priced lube that could be a concern; not everyone wants a Spinal Tap moment going through the security line.

If you pack a sex toy in your carry-on or on your person, be prepared to explain it to unsympathetic security officials who may not know the difference between "packing" and packing, and in front of a crowd of your fellow passengers.

And be sure to take the batteries out of your toys before stashing them in your checked baggage, unless you want to have a real problem -- but you likely won't be treated as horribly as year-old Renee Koutsouradis.

Five years ago, Koutsouradis was seated next to her husband at the Dallas airport when she was paged over the intercom.

The baggage handlers had noticed that one of her checked suitcases was making a strange sound -- it was vibrating.

She met with Delta personnel on the tarmac in view of many fellow passengers and explained that the noise was from a vibrator in which she'd unwittingly left the batteries, a sex toy Renee and her husband had picked up during their vacation to Las Vegas.

The airline personnel had Renee hold the vibrator up for everyone to see, as Delta employees laughed and made sexually harassing comments such as, "Doesn't your husband satisfy you?

Renee brought suit against Delta for intentional infliction of emotional distress. The kind of humiliation Renee endured is thankfully rare, but every sexual traveler can potentially be the victim of minor ordeals and tense moments.

Sex toys scanned by X-ray machines get removed from bags for examination. Metal detectors pick up piercings in private areas, and their owners are subjected to extended searches.

And if your gender does not appear to match the gender identity on your driver's license or passport, you may be in for a long delay -- or worse.

The simple answer to these problems would be to travel sans sex toys or to change how you dress or appear for travel. But what if you're going on a long trip, having a wild weekend or can't or don't want to change who you really are?

Make your self-assurance the first thing you pack. It's reasonable -- and expected -- that airlines will be alert for questionable items.

But as Good Vibrations' staff sexologist Dr. Carol Queen states, "It is highly inappropriate, and potentially an act of sexual harassment, for an airline staffer to make a public issue of finding an intimate object in a customer's bag.

You have just as much right to have a dildo in your luggage as you do any personal-care item; it is not dangerous, and it is improper for anyone to make it public.

Remember that airport and airline personnel are engaging in harassment should they humiliate anyone regarding sexual matters -- be it for condoms, hygiene products or a strap-on harness in your baggage.

Use common sense. Don't put sex toys in your carry-on baggage unless you absolutely have to.

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